people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
