he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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