I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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