He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
