whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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