Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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