I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
