I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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