I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
