Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
