No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
