the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
