so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Please don't give away my fajitas
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
