after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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