i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
