having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
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New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
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Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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