i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
