At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
