WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
