Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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