I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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