Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
