What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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