he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
