Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
