I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
