I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
