I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
