On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
