Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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