new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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