He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
