I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
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