I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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