Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
