Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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