Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
