I want to stick my p in your. b.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
