Where is the hickey?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
