I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
