If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
True college students do jello shots in the library
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
