I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
