so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
