I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
