Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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