Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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