I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
