Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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