The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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