There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
