Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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