anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
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Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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