i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
