I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
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I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
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Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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