I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
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I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
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Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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