Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
