theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
