I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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