i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You are the jesus of drinking
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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