My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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