can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
