you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
